


Insecurity: The Worst Enemy

by justagirlwhowriteswhatever



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Humanizing Hotchner, Hurt Aaron Hotchner, Insecurity, Men Crying, Panic Attacks, Pining Aaron Hotchner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25144504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justagirlwhowriteswhatever/pseuds/justagirlwhowriteswhatever
Summary: You were significantly younger than Aaron Hotchner, but that didn't stop your love for him. The thing is, he thought it did. He thought you could do better than him and that led to a horrible night for him.Many people don't know what he goes through when he's not at work. But you do.-Proper grammar, spelling, and all that good stuff.TW!: Panic Attacks...........Aaron Hotchner knew. He knew from the start of your relationship with him that you could do better. Better than him. You were in your mid 20’s and he was starting to go through his mid 50’s. You were constantly reminding him that he was the only one you wanted, but something in the back of his mind was nagging. Never letting go.  It was stressful. The thought of losing you punched the air out of his lungs and it made him lightheaded.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & Reader, Aaron Hotchner/Original Female Character(s), Aaron Hotchner/Reader
Kudos: 121
Collections: Stories set in the Criminal Minds universe





	1. Pizza Night

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like it! If you have any imagines or prompts you want me to write, feel free to leave your suggestion(s) in the comments :)

Aaron Hotchner knew. He knew from the start of your relationship with him that you could do better. Better than him. You were in your mid 20’s and he was starting to go through his mid 50’s. You were constantly reminding him that he was the only one you wanted, but something in the back of his mind was nagging. Never letting go. It was stressful. The thought of losing you punched the air out of his lungs and it made him lightheaded. 

“Baby! I’m home! How was work today?” You hollered from down the hall as you dropped your bag down on the floor. You just got back from the BAU but Aaron got back an hour prior. 

Setting down his files, he made it from his office to you. He walked so lightly sometimes; you swore he could be a spy or something. Wrapping his arms behind you, he rested his chin on your shoulder. Inhaling your warm vanilla lavender scent, he felt more at peace already.

“Mmm. It was fine, Y/N. What kept you so late? I’m usually the last one out? Did you forget to do your field work?” He chuckled. You always had a habit of wandering off and talking to the BAU girls before doing anything else.

This was one of the times you could feel one of those ‘rare’ Hotch smiles. It could make any girl swoon. “Actually, I was just messin’ around with Garcia. You know, kinda like girl talk. (Garcia pulled you in her little office space just as you were about to leave the office. From there, you spent a good hour gossiping on the office relationships.She suspected that you and Hotch were becoming a thing, but you instantly shut it down, as the both of you weren’t ready to become a public couple yet.) Speaking of talk, I don’t hear Jack. What’s he up to?”

‘Jessica has him for the night. He actually just called me a few minutes ago. Wanted to see if he could eat ice cream for dinner.’

You giggled. That was so in character for Jack.

You turned around, still in Aaron’s embrace, and initiated a kiss. He had a good seven inches on you, so that meant that you had to go up on your tippy-toes just to reach his lips. They were as soft as always. In return to your action, Aaron put his left hand on the small of your back and the right in your hair.

Once the kiss was broken off, the two of you decided to have a ‘pizza and movie’ kind of night. Aaron put in an order for a mushroom and cheese pizza; one side with mushrooms and the other with cheese. You simply couldn’t fathom why anyone would want mushrooms on their pizza.

You hurried off to the bedroom that you shared and slipped on a cropped tank top with some of Aaron’s boxers. This reminded you of the time when you wore them for the first time. The second Aaron saw what you were wearing, he stopped dead in his tracks and you felt his eyeing you the whole time. You expected this time to be no different.

While you were getting ready, you heard the pizza delivery man knock on your door. Rushing out to get some food, you felt Aaron checking you out. See? No different from the last time.

Settling on watching the original Jumanji, the two of you snuggled on the couch and ate pizza.

It was one of your favorite childhood movies, and you were surprised to find out that he hadn’t seen the movie before you met Aaron. 

The movie was coming close to an end, and you could feel yourself dozing off on Hotch’s shoulder. He hadn’t realized it yet, but given 15 minutes time, he found you slightly snoring. It was cute, he thought. It reminded him of the exact moment when he found himself pining for you.

* * *

_The BAU team just captured the unsub and were heading back home. You were new to the team, but Hotch could tell that out of all of the members of the team, you took their wins pretty hard and their losses even harder. You were so caring towards the whole team._

_Reid was quietly studying God knows what book, JJ and Emily were dozing off on the couch. Morgan was listening to a rock playlist. Rossi- well, he was just dreaming off, doing his own thing._

_The only seats left were the two in the back of the jet, next to each other. You were resting your head on your hand, trying to catch some shut eye. This case took a lot out of you, and the whole team could tell. At one point during the flight, Hotch felt you lean on his shoulder. He didn’t notice it at first, since he was so enraptured in his files. But once he did, his breath caught. He didn’t want to disturb your sleep; that was the last thing he wanted to do. You just looked so adorable to him. Snoring and all. ‘Oh shit.’ Not one to deny facts, he mentally snapped at himself. ‘I have a crush on Y/N.’_

* * *

Not wanting to wake you up, Aaron swiftly picked you up and took you to bed. He tucked you in, admiring the fact that you actually loved him. There it was, the nagging. If you were awake and you sensed his insecurity, your heart would have broken into pieces.

He settled into bed as well, spooning you as you snuggled back into him.


	2. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch has the worst nights he has had in a while. Poor bby :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is kinda long. 
> 
> Feel free to suggest any prompts or imagines you want me to write about in the comments!

‘Hey Y/N! Do you have much work to do? The team’s going to the bar to get some drinks. Wanna hop on the booze train?’ It was Garcia. She somehow managed to persuade everyone on the team to go out for drinks. Well, everyone except Hotch. But you didn’t seem to care.

‘Of course hun, just let me send out this email. I’ll be right out.’

As the team left, you clicked send on your screen and stood up to drive to the bar. A few minutes later, Aaron looked up from the documents he was signing on his desk and wondered where everyone was. He tried to call you, but you didn’t answer. 

‘Weird.’ He thought. When did he have the time to change your name in his contacts from ‘My Love’ to ‘Agent Y/N Y/L/N’?

Since you weren’t picking up his calls, he decided to call Morgan. He picked up, but he sounded drunk. ‘Mmm Morgan here. What’s up Hotch my man?” 

“Derek, sorry to be calling you after hours, but I was wondering if you knew the whereabouts of Y/N?”

“Uhhhh. Yeah. We’re at the bar two blocks away from the BAU?”

“Was that a question or an answer?” he strained. He was getting impatient. The only thing he wanted to do was to be with you. The only thing he heard from the other end was laughing and what he thought was Emily chanting “Shots! Shots! Shots, shots, shots!” with Penelope.

Rolling his eyes, he grabbed his coat and headed to the bar. 

The first thing he did when he got there was scan around the room to see if you were there. And there you were. With another guy. The two of you were laughing about something Hotch didn't care about. His hand was on your thigh.

And you weren’t seeming to do anything about it.

Angrily storming towards you, he yanked the man’s hand off you. “Exactly what the hell do you think you’re doing?” He seethed.

“Sorry man. Goddamn.” Now turning to you, the mysterious man turned to you and asked you, “I thought you were single?” Then he scoffed and walked off.

Hotch pulled you by your arm and brought you out of the bar before you could say anything. Finally he stopped and you got the chance to rip your arm away from his grasp. 

“What in the fresh hell was that about Aaron? Why did you scare him off? What the fuck is your problem?”

“MY problem? Did you really just ask me that?” He roared in disbelief. “You have the audacity to ask me what MY problem is? Do you not see a problem?”  
  


“Yes, actually I do.” You retorted. “The “problem” here”, you emphasized ‘problem’ by using air quotations. “Is that you so rudely interrupted my conversation with the man in the bar!” You pushed Aaron away, but he caught your hand on his chest. 

“We are in a relationship, Y/N! I thought that you knew better than to fuck around with another guy while we are in a committed relationship!” Hotch was about to lose it.

“Are you delusional Aaron? Have all the coffee and sleepless nights finally gotten to you? We are not in a relationship anymore. Now get your fucking hands off me. You still might be my boss, but you are no longer my boyfriend!”

Aaron couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Not in a relationship anymore? When did all of this happen? And how did he not notice any of it?

“W-what?” His heart was ripped into two instantly.

You could see the hurt on his face. Obviously he wasn’t over the breakup and had too much to drink, apparently.  
  


“Don’t you remember? We broke up months ago! Are you drunk or something?”  
  


“N-no. I just walked into the bar. I…I thought we were happy?” He was holding tears in at this point. It was no longer a serious Hotch. Or a happy Hotch. He was just broken.

You took pity on him, but you couldn't forgive what he had done just yet. You sighed, crossing your arms. “Hotch. You were happy. I never was. Couldn’t you see? It was a one way street. It just didn’t work out! Now can you leave me alone? For the love of God!” You stormed off, leaving him outside in the cold.

The anger that was once contained in him drained out of his face just like the color did. He was so confused. Where had it all gone wrong? When did it happen? He had too many questions that it seemed like they all fell out and he couldn’t remember even a single one. 

* * *

Walking back to his car, the panic started to set in. Usually whenever he was about to have an attack, you were there to comfort him. You were his rock. But now, since you were gone, he was lost. 

Jack. Where was Jack? He needed to call Jack. Fumbling for his phone in his pocket, he called Jessica. It was pretty late, but he needed to see Jack. It felt like the only thing left to do after this crappy night was to take Jack home from his aunt.

“H-hello?”

“Jessica. Hi.” His voice wavered.

“Hotch?” She could sense something was wrong. When Hotch was still with Haley, she had the same sense too. She was gone too. “It’s almost midnight. Why are you calling?”

“Jack. I need to see him.”

Silence came over the phone call.

“Jessica.” He tried again. “I need Jack.” He was in tears at this point. “I need to at least hear his voice. Please.”

Finally he heard sniffling. “Aaron. J-Jack. He’s not here anymore.”

“What do you mean he’s not here anymore?” Hotch’s breathing became more and more heavier by the second.

“He,” she took a long pause. “He’s with Haley. Don’t you remember what happened?”

He dropped the phone. Now he couldn’t take it anymore. With tears streaming down his face, he tried undoing his tie. He couldn’t breathe. Gripping the steering wheel of his car, he tried to regain control. 

All of a sudden, he had a massive sharp pain in the back of his head. There was ringing in his ears. Something he had never heard before. An indescribable pain. Then everything went black.


	3. Make it better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You were just in time to rescue Aaron from his nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last one, I want to call it a one shot, but it turned a bit lengthy...
> 
> Anyways, if you have a prompt or imagine you want me to write about, please comment it :)

“Baby! Aaron! Aaron! Wake up!” It was at about four in the morning when you heard Aaron moaning in pain.

You shook him, but he wouldn’t wake up. He had a cold sweat and he was shifting as if he was trying to escape from something. 

“Aaron! It was just a dream! Please wake up.”

Jolting upright, he was suddenly panting, trying to come to his senses. His eyes were brimming with tears and you felt a pang of sharp pain go into your heart. You had been with Hotch through good times and bad, but you had never been there when he woke up from a nightmare. He never let you.

It was almost as if he couldn’t see you. He was breathing heavily and he looked around the room, scanning his surroundings. Then he saw you.

“Aaron. Hey. Look at me. Shhhh.” you took his face into your hands, gently stroking his face with your thumbs. Chest heaving, he began to calm down. The tears were still there, so you wiped them off his cheeks.

“What happened honey? Tell me.”

“Y-you” he struggled to catch his breath.

“Come here. Shhhh. You can talk when you’re ready.” You pulled him into a tight hug and stroked his hair. 

Once he regained a bit of his composure, he continued. “You. You didn’t love me anymore. You were gone. So was Jack. I had nothing. Everything hurt. It was so confusing. I- I didn’t remember anything.” 

The tears were welling in his eyes again, so you just held him in your arms so he could let it all out. The nightmare he had ripped a hole in your heart. It pained you to see him go through Haley’s death, but this time you weren’t there for him.

Breaking the silence, you reminded him again: “It was just a dream, Aaron. I’m here. Jack is at his aunt’s. I’ll always be here. He’ll be here. No matter what.”

That’s when you saw it. The tiniest of smiles, but it was there. Taking a deep breath, he sat up so you could look at each other face to face. “Thank you, Y/N. I guess I was scared that I would lose the two of you. I’m obviously not always there for Jack, and when I am, it always seems to get interrupted by my job. And you. You do everything for me and-”

You cut him off right then and there, before he could spiral deeper into his doubts. 

“You do everything for us. I-” you sigh. “I just wish you could see that and stop spreading yourself out so thin. You can’t do everything at the same time and give it your all. Take everything one step at a time. And you can bet I’ll be there every step of the way." You smiled.

He took your hands into his, kissing your knuckles. “I love you Y/N.” 

That was the first time he had ever said that to you.

“You do?”

“There’s no one else in the whole wide world that I would care to spend my time with other than you. You saved me.”

That made you beam. “Well I figure that you’ve saved me at least twice as more times on the field than I’ve saved you.” you joked.

With a small smile dancing on his lips, he replied, “You know what I mean, Y/N.”

Running your hand along the nape of his neck, you replied lovingly. “Of course, my love. I know.”

You snuggled back into bed; your head was right underneath his and Aaron was clutching you as if you were going to disappear if he didn’t.

The last thing he heard was a small “I love you too. With all my heart.” Before he drifted off to sleep for the second time that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading my work! Love you guys a lot :)


End file.
